Sunday, January 8, 2012

Before and after melanoma

Here is me when my mole first appeared 2nd pic is two years later and the third was taken in 2011 all when life had very few worries or cares as you can tell I was still tanning not as much as I had in previous years but still going none the less. Around the time the last picture was taken I had alot of people telling me that I needed to get that mole checked, that it just didnt look right and it had gotten way bigger but do you think I listend??  NO!!! I didn't I went about life as usual and then something amazing happend I was blessed with the birth of my first Grandchild and that changed my whole life my whole way of thinking because now I wanted to make sure that I was going to be around forever I have this beautiful grandson to watch grow up and love.  I made the apt with a dermatologist who did a shave biopsy removal of the mole the same day.  I thought not too bad I can live with the little scar that it left and then two weeks later I get the call I will never forget as long as I live hearing these words "You have malignant Melanoma" .That call changed my life forever that call left me feeling like I had a Monkey on my back (which I feel I literally do and its called Melanoma)..  So now on to my discussion visit on where to go from here and that led me to a plastic surgeon Dr. Moore who I have the utmost love and respect for.  Let me say this hes a brutally honest man and from day one he didnt candy coat nothing so this is how I left his office after first visit and scheduled for surgery (pic5) and sorry I know I look terrible, thats the part that needs removed and as you can see this pic was taken after we tried wiping the ink off so you cant see how far it actually goes down. Now get ready for surgery day I cant begin to explain what was going thru my mind at this point but the only thing I was focused on was I want to LIVE so here we go are you ready for this??? Picture #6 is after surgery and the next is day after surgery. Here comes stiches removal day Yay and Boo because now reality sets in and I am faced with looking at myself and my scar . I share my story in hopes that someone reads and maybe just maybe the next time they think they wanna tan maybe they think back to this and say "ITS NOT WORTH MY LIFE"

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Changes within

Wow me at a loss for words, now thats something less of a joke.  Any other time I have a million things going through my head or on my tounge just waiting to be spoke but now nothing.  This monster that has entered my life is unbearable at times.  How many times my mind has wandered back to all the times aunts or friends would tell me the "Dangers" of the tanning bed and the sun.  How I wish I would of listend to them and maybe I wouldnt be in this situation today.  Why cant we ever just be happy with who we are and what we look like?? Why does society want young girls to think that thin and tan is Beautiful??  If only I could of been comfortable in my own skin....

Monday, January 2, 2012

Melanoma and Peace

One thing ive come to notice since being diagnosed with Melanoma is that I no longer have total "Peace" of mind or anything for that matter now.     It's funny how one day your life is totally normal and in the blink of an eye or in hearing these 3 "You have Melanoma"  you totally LOSE your PEACE OF MIND!!      Is it something that you eventually get back???  Mixed emotions, mixed feelings not to mention anger and the helplessness of the unkown  is all so much for one to bear at times., and makes me wonder if I have what it takes to FIGHT this monster and to keep fighting may it ever decide to come back for a 2nd visit!!